Wanting a baby

Infertility is one of the hardest things that anyone can go through.  There are reminders everywhere of what you’re missing, what others have and how life doesn’t always go as we’d planned it.  It’s also not always easily explained.  Sometimes it’s more obvious due to medical issues and with the help of modern day advancement in medicine; many of these problems can be resolved.  The difficulty is when it can’t be explained and therefore you don’t know what you’re dealing with.

Many people know that it can be caused by the mind rather than the body but often, it doesn’t make sense.  Why would something that you desire so strongly remain inexplicably out of your reach?  Surely your mind should be on your side?  When everything in your life is in place and you just need the laws of nature to work their magic, why does it work for one person and not the next?

It’s easy to look at others and judge.  The family that seems to grow with no thought or concern for their children’s welfare.  The young girl who gets caught out and feels she has nowhere to turn.  The result of an assault that shouldn’t possibly result in such a beautiful work of nature.  The mind sometimes seems to be inconsistent in this subject and there is not always an obvious suggestion of why.

When we go through life, we absorb everything around us.  We don’t see everything with our conscious mind because quite frankly we would simply be exhausted but we do notice with our subconscious mind and that can include the negatives as well as the positives.  A comment made when you were younger (don’t come back here pregnant!), a long held fear of the physical aspects of giving birth, a feeling that even though you’re with the right person to have a family, the time (new job, big mortgage), the place (home too small, in the middle of major renovations) or some outside influence (one of you going through a difficult divorce, recent loss of a significant person in your life) may well be holding things back.

When you’re living in the world of trying for a baby, sometimes the other things around you don’t seem so obvious, sometimes they are not even noticeable and sometimes you will not be aware that they were ever there.  The mind is a very powerful tool.  It can work positively as well as negatively but when you’re struggling to achieve the thing you desire more than anything in the world, it can feel like hard work.

When you’re living with infertility, it can really become the complete focus of your life.  Relationships can come under a significant strain and the spontaneity of romance can often be left high and dry in favour of a thermometer and a sudden call to perform on demand.  This isn’t what your relationship started out as and it can leave you feeling bereft for that part of your life.

It’s important to ensure you give yourselves some self-care.  Ask yourselves and each other what you really want and sometimes the answers may surprise you.  Allow yourself 5 minutes each day to mentally focus on what you want your body to achieve.  The mind is a powerful tool and you can use it to your advantage.  Giving it a clear signal of where you’re going is like putting the postcode into a satnav.  If you don’t give it clear instructions, how can it ever get you to your desired destination?

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